Sick

Been some time since my last post. To say I have been struggling would be the understatement of my life. These last few months have confirmed in me the belief that my self-medicating since childhood was well-founded, but to continue would result in my death.

Unfortunately my most recent string of nightmares may also result in my demise. Some have been too terrifying to remember, however, I wake up sick, nauseous, puking acid, wheezing, struggling to hang on to what life awakening allows. I've seen Hell. It's full of guilt, neglect, anger and sorrow ever spiraling down deeper into the past regrets of my past. Who I could've been left so far behind. Who I should've been lost, forgotten, given to the things I wanted so bad, to the things I couldn't leave behind, to the choices I so carelessly made. Disappointments Such deep rage, such strong fear, so sharp, so alone, lost to all who at one time cared. Trembling alone, scared, hurting, dying with no death. Seeing utter darkness, hearing utter silence, feeling the cold nothingness of outer darkness.